La fumée ça pique les yeux, CHAPITRE 4
Ya tout qu'est blanc, dans ce Putain d'hôpital. Je déteste. Chez ma maman, c'est de toutes les couleurs.
Ils me transporte en chaise roulante chez le psy. Avant, c'était parce que je refusais d'y aller, mais maintenant je crois que même si je voulais j'aurais plus du tout la force.
Ya toujours ces saletés d'aiguilles qui transpercent les veines.
D'abord, le psy y dit rien, pendant un long moment.
Moi je regarde ma vie qui goutte le long de mes tuyaux.
Et pis d'un coup, il parle.
Je sursaute un peu, il dit plein de trucs d'une voix grave et chaude, mais moi je l'écoute pas du tout. Je suis loin, je suis très loin avec ma maman dans un pays où c'est partout la mer et où ya jamais de journal de 20 heure à la télévision.
Elle déteste les infos, ma maman. Elle jure que ça lui met entre les tempes une grosse barre de douleur. Alors elle préfère mettre la série de la 6. Ca lui fait moins peur et ça la fait moins chialer.
Moi, j'ai peur de rien et je pleure jamais. Même quand je suis seul dans le noir ou que je m'écorche très fort les genoux sur les graviers de la cour de l'école. Ma maman elle dit que je suis un p'tit dur.
On m'a ramené dans ma chambre, je sais pas trop comment.
Les murs, ils sont trop blancs, ils se referment sur moi. j'étouffe.
Ils me font encore une piqûre. Ca me calme. Tout sombre dans le noir.
Mes bras, ils sont devenus aussi noueux que ceux de ma maman. Je trouve ça beau, toutes ces petites cicatrices le long de mes veines.
Mais elles aussi, elles disparaissent dans l'obscurité. Mes oreilles bourdonnent et je plonge dans un sommeil sans rêve.
Quand je me réveille, je sens plus du tout mon corps. Et pis ya tout ce blanc qui m'agresse les yeux alors je crois bien que je suis mort pour de vrai. Mais alors, elle est où, ma maman?
J'entends la clé dans la porte. Sans doute que je suis encore vivant.
Ya une masse de chevelure rousse qui avance dans le flou. Elle s'accroupit près de mon lit.
_ »P'tit Go, c'est Natacha... » elle me dit. Ya des perles qui brillent dans ses yeux, comme des larmes. « Réagit s'il-te-plaît, ne me laisse pas toute seule... » supplie-t-elle.
Je voudrais lui parler, la prendre dans mes bras, enfouir mon nez dans ses boucles qui sentent le caramel et la mandarines, mais je peux pas. C'est bloqué. Je suis mort à l'intérieur.
Elle prend doucement ma main, y dépose une légère trace de rouge à lèvre et sort de la pièce.
Je voudrais lui dire à quel point je suis désolé, mais ya tout qui reste coincé à l'intérieur de moi, comme une crampe.
Ya une blouse blanche qui semble se détacher du mur et qui se dirige vers moi. Dans la blouse, ya quelqu'un, mais je ne parviens même pas à distinguer s'il s'agit d'un homme ou d'une femme.
En tout cas, c'est un docteur et moi, je de teste les docteurs.
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